How to make the Volturi mad :
by Red on the Head00
Summary: sequel to 'how to make the cullens mad' includes Aro, Casius, Marcus, Jane, Alec, Felix, Demitri, Ect. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Ch 1 Aro, Marcus, Caius

How to make the Volturi mad:

The sequel to how to make the Cullen's mad

Chapter 1- Aro, Marcus, Caius

ask them how old they are

tell them that they creep you out

Hum the Darth Vader theme song at their entrance

Dye all of their robes from black to vibrant colors (pink, yellow etc)

During a important meeting randomly burst into song

Buy them all moisturizers saying they really need it

Force them on an all animal diet

Make a movie about them titled 'the 3000 year old virgin'

Throw things at Caius when he tries to speak

When Aro tries to read your mind yell- "mind rape! Mind rape!" till he leave you alone

Say "I told the whole world that vampires are real and what are you going to do about it?" run yelling "suckas!" and hope you live

Say that the volturi are wimpy and cowards

Tell them to bite you then run away screaming "VAMPIRES ARE TRING TO EAT ME!!!" After that calmly walk away, confusing everyone…

Ask them if they drink Bloody Marys

Next chapter is:

Jane and Alec

**So??? What do ya think?! Please review!!! **************


	2. Ch 2 Jane & Alec

**Chapter- 2 lol i just noticed if i shorten the title it's- H2MTVMad (How To Make The Volturi Mad) lol. REVIEW!!**

**How to Annoy Jane and Alec Volturi**

Every time when Jane shocks someone do your own sound effects.

Tell Alec that when he uses his power tell him what's happening, like he doesn't already know.

Stare at Jane for a long period of time. When she asks you what you're doing, say you're mimicking what she does when she tries her gift on Bella

Tell Alec that Alice has the hots for him, ignore him when he objects

When Jane begins to defend him and objects for him, tell her that she's just jealous

Ask Jane if she was jus going easy on Bella when she attacked in New Moon

When she says Yes, laugh and say she's going soft

Ask them both if they like being Aro's pets

Shine a flashlight at them both and when they don't sparkle call them phonies.

Tell them both that they aren't real vampires because they don't scare anyone.

**A/n: WOOOHOOO!! Another chapter down!!! :P REVIEW!! If you Don't I'll go in my Emo Corner and Discontinue!!!!**

**Red**


	3. ch 3 Felix & Demetri

**How to make the Volturi Mad**

**Chapter 3: Felix and Demetri**

**A/N: I totally forgot about this story, but no worries! I have updated!!! *The crowd goes wild!* Oh Thank You, Thank You, Your to kind, really! **

**Review Replies: **

**-LiviningInThePast1901: Awesome penname I'm updating, try not to piss yourself! Lol**

**-Jayd-n33: Thank You for reviewing here's a cookie! Lol**

**-TdiBridgette: Thanks for reviewing! Here's a cookie! Lol **

**Enjoy!! Updated: 21-March-2010 **

1) Dance around them in little circles saying "I know something you don't know" and when they finally ask what say "I don't know... I thought you knew?"

2) When they say something like "Why me?" casually answer "Because you're damned and God hates you"

3) Make a movie about them in the style of a discovery channel documentary, 'this is the vampire in their natural habitat.... oh they spotted me...... and they don't look to happy.....'

4) Lock Felix and Demetri in a room full of livid Edward fans

5) Give Felix animal blood and blame it on Demetri

6) Walk in and start yelling about there not being any cookies

7) When ever they kill somebody give them a gold star

8) Bring them the crazy Edward fans and tell them that Felix and Demetri have Edward

9) Ask Felix to turn you into a vampire so you can join the Cullen's…. Not them

10) cover them in glitter telling them they need it, being fakes and all

11) Walk up to one of them as say 'So, do you both sparkle… everywhere?'

12) Sign them up for Counseling

13) Tell Demetri that Emmett is stronger than him

**A/N: Sooo??? How'd you like it?!?! REVIEW**

**Next: ****Renata,****Chelsea & Heidi ****( Give me some ideas for these!)**

**3 Chapters left- OMG!!!**

**Peace & Love,**

**~Red. 3 **


	4. Ch 4 Chelsea, Retana, & Heidi

**Chapter 4 of How to Make the Volturi Mad**

**Renata, Chelsea & Heidi **

**By: RedonTheHead00**

**Disclaimer: I sadly do NOT own Twilight or any of its characters….. I don't know why I even have to remind you all. :( **

**A/N: (21-March-2010) Hope you enjoy this chapter- REVIEW!**

Invite a werewolf/shape shifter into the castle

Graffiti they're rooms

Go up to Heidi and say 'Why don't you bite me, Whore?'

Make an online fan club for Renata

Do the same for Chelsea

And Heidi too

Run around singing- The werewolves are coming, the werewolves are coming!

Run around singing- The Romanians are coming, the Romanians are coming!

Tell Renata in a British accent that she look like a very classy human in need of a tan

Tell Chelsea to bite you like she means it!

**That's all I got for these three! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Next: Afton & Corin (Minor guards- give me some ideas for them!)**

**Peace & Love,**

**~Red.**


	5. Ch 5 Afton & Corin

**Chapter 5 of How to Make the Volturi Mad**

**Afton & Corin **

**A/N: (21-March-2010) Wow I'm on a roll!! 3 chapters in one day!! Woo Hoo listening to The Great Escape by Boys Like Girls! Check out my other stories!!! Also check out my show on YouTube it's called the Dani and Sara Show by: Danirocks101 I'm the redhead! Lol Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Give Afton a pet werewolf on St. Marcus Day

If they ask if you want to join say only if they give you a purple cloak-thingy

Randomly jump on they're backs

Tape a bunch of secret admirer notes on the door of the room

Follow them not so silently all day

Tell Afton your not a stalker, but his carpet REALLY clashes with the paint on the walls

Ask Corin if he remembers last night and when asks what you mean, run away sobbing about ungrateful vampire lovers

Call Corin, Corny or Corny dog

Come up with cheesy puns about Afton's name like- 'Do you come here Afton?'

After telling one of the puns fall over laughing as though it was the funniest thing ever

Set up Corin on a blind date with an old lady, saying you were trying to get someone his own age

Photoshop a picture of you and Afton so he's right next to you

Then send that to him with a lock of your hair and a really crappy/cheesy poem claiming your love for him

**A/N: Hope you liked that! My personal favorite was number 7 ha ha! Tell me your favorite when you REVIEW!**

**R**

**E**

**V**

**I**

**E**

**W**

**Next: Gianna & Santiago **

**Peace & Love,**

**~Red.**


	6. Ch 6 Gianna & Santiago

**Chapter 6 of How to Make the Cullens Mad!**

**Gianna & Santiago **

Follow one of them into the bathroom Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

Again follow one of them into a bathroom and Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks

_Again_ follow them into the bathroom and Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh relaxingly.

When asked a question reply by saying- 'My resource to that answer is a wise man from Tibet, and he won't see me until the next full moon

Randomly announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" When ever they walk by

If Santiago brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

Meow occasionally

Make explosion noises every time Gianna takes a step

Stare at your thumb and say to Santiago "I think it's getting larger; Do you think it's getting larger?!"

Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at Gianna and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"

Every time Santiago walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to Gianna. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that Gianna write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"

Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until Santiago gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

**A/N: Haha! That's the end of that chapter! Lol hope you liked it! I really liked #1 I personally think #3 is nasty! But all well! Ha Ha- REVIEW!**

**Peace & Love,**

**~Red.**

**Next: ****Sulpicia & Athenodra**


	7. Ch 7 Sulpicia & Athenodra

**Chapter 7 of How to Make the Volturi Mad**

**Sulpicia & Athenodra- the wives**

them a dog and say 'I've save you time by naming to for you- its' name it Dog.'

to everything they say with 'that's what he said.'

a few paces behind Athenodra, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol

loud beeping noises when Sulpicia backs up

not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

then what gender they are

then if they're trying to act like Rapunzel

Ask Athenodra mysterious questions and then scribble her answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"

elaborate crop circles on the side of the castle

around screaming about aliens about to eat everyone's brain

all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge at Sulpicia's face

rather than walk, when they are around

the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..

**A/N: So what did you think?! WELL, TELL ME BY RREVIEWING! It's pretty simple really. You scroll down, move your mouse down to the button that says, 'Review this Story/Chapter' then click. And- now be careful this is the most important part!- **_**write. What. You. Think. **_**O My God! You did it! I'm so proud of you! 'Click' This picture is going on the refrigerator at home! Lol sorry Sugar High! WOOHOOOO! **

**-Saddly this is the last chapter of How to Make the Volturi Mad. Yes the LAST CHAPTER. I hope you enjoyed, because I know I did- Thanks for reading!**

**Peace & Love,**

**~Red. :D**


	8. Appreciation for the Reviewers!

Appreciation for the Reviewers!

This chapter is for all of my awesome readers who reviewed on How to Make the Volturi Mad!

TdiBridgette (For being peppy (?)!)

Jayd-n33 (For probably being the only normal person reading the story!)

LivingInThePat1901 (For her multiple reviews that were hilarious!)

Water-Lily7295 (For 'Loving it!' and it being 'very very funny!')

Me (*Anonyms*) (For expressing how funny it was!)

Thank You all for though who read and review or just read! Love you all!

XOXOXOX

Peace & Love,

~Red.


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